women wearing red lipstick and holding a pen

Big Sis Advice

We’ve talked about shooting your shot, but whether or not the person you’re trying to get will bite, is another story. Not everyone responds to attraction the same way, but that’s why I’m here to clear up a misconception about the famous phrase “hard to get.” 

You know the signs; for example, the girl who flips her hair and rolls her eyes as you call her name or the guy who acts like he didn’t see you waving at him for two minutes in the JPL are all playing hard to get; playing hard to get seems to always have a negative connotation. What if “playing hard to get” simply meant the person you constantly cat-call or the crush you have, has standards? Standards might suggest that this person doesn’t envision you the same way or simply just isn’t interested. Labeling them “hard to get” will defeat any chance you have of your ball scoring a point.

I don’t have one single story that fully defines the number of times an obviously attractive person assumed they had me bagged. Every single time that I was assumed to be bagged, my eyes would roll because while it was obvious that a lot of the things that were said were stale and rehearsed, the assumption that I was attracted to surface level beauty appalled me even more. And, while I’m not even someone who focuses on looks, I’ve become all too familiar with the phrase, “You’re playing hard to get.”

Here’s a breakdown of why that’s far from true (in my case at least): you’re assuming that I “want to get got,” what else are you used to chasing if I’m so hard to woo and would a little intellect hurt? I’m not saying that I’m hard to please, but if I was, would that be a problem? Time would eventually reveal to me that no, it isn’t. Having certain intellectual standards or not being less receptive than someone may want you to be doesn’t make you “hard to get” or problematic — it makes you, you. I mean, the person had to like something about you to even approach you in the first place. Don’t sweat it, and vibe with them only if you see fit. If that makes you hard to get, then own it.

For those easily and un-easily impressed,

Xoxo,

Big Sis

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