I have a few slight pet peeves concerning the UTSA campus that need to be expressed. For one, why is the water fountain currently off? While I recognize that the cost of running a fountain 24/7 might be excessive or indulgent, I still feel that the ambiance of the Sombrilla could be greatly improved with a little rushing water sound. If this is your first year at UTSA, you have never seen the fountain in action.

Second, if you are a person who assists with an organizational fundraiser on campus, please refrain from harassing me to eat your unsanitary food. I’m sure that your $5 hotdog will help you buy semi-humorous / sexual innuendo organizational t-shirts, but I have absolutely no desire to get salmonella. Also, I recognize that you might have donuts or pizza that you did not prepare and purchased at some trans-fat food chain, but I would rather pay half the price and just visit the place myself.

Third, I recognize that many of you out there have strong faith in a higher power. I have absolutely no problem with this whatsoever. However, most of us hell enthusiasts are well aware of the contributions of that small town hero named Jesus Christ. The Jesus people tend to run in gangs that terrorize us normal people who would like to enjoy our lunches and conversations. We politely ask that you leave us alone, so we may go about our business of hell-bound behavior.

Fourth, this is very specific to back lot parkers. I park in one of the back lots, which is one of the best-kept secrets on campus (shhh). There is always ample parking at any time of the day, but now Route 43 has been changed due to construction. This is outrageous.

The amount of time it once took me to hop on the shuttle and get to campus has doubled. This has made the time saving factor of not having to fight for a parking space obsolete.

On top of that, the route used to drop us all off comfortably by the Business building, but now we are dropped off in the deep valley known as the bottom of the Science building. This has forced us all to reveal the lack of physical conditioning of our bodies.

Fifth, most professors are highly intelligent and impart vast amounts of information and wisdom by engaging their students. There is an exception to this rule. I demand that professors who do nothing more that stand in front of the class and spew large quantities of information be removed. I understand that you spent countless hours studying this subject at Smartest-Person-Ever University, but you’re inability to actually impart that information to students is frustrating and possibly proves that you’re stupid in the real world. Most of what you say will be forgotten along with your low tech PowerPoint.

Last, people on any sort of wheels need to be courteous of those to us who use legs. I can’t tell you how many times I have barely escaped with my life after one of these heartless individuals whizzed by. I have a hard enough time walking after a late night of studying (partying), so please don’t make this any harder. First world problems.

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