Urban Dictionary defines it as, “a female that is neither a male’s wife or girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship.” The first thought that appears in mind is generally, a “homewrecker” or other demeaning terms that define a woman who uses her power to dominate the mind of a man who is already unavailable. This is the simplest way of how we justify their actions and behavior. 

To better explain the side chick position, we must agree on one thing before anything else: without the conscious decision of a man who is already in a relationship, the “side chick” position wouldn’t be a thing. And yes, I am aware that there are women out there who are also romantically involved with a third person in their relationships. Take it from someone who has had more or less the same experience of playing this role; it’s better to be independent.

Some women are content with this position — they want nothing less, nothing more. For others, they lie and pretend that they are content. Hate it or love it, it is nothing more than a place of entertainment for the male. The term “side chick” has become more prevalent and normalized in our society, that there are men who refer to their girlfriend or wife as his “main chick,” boldly implying that she isn’t the only woman in their relationship. You may ask, “Why must they mess around with a man who’s already taken?” Well, according to social psychologists Roy Baumeister and Sara Wotman, “when something is hot and heavy, even if brief, it has made changes in your brain chemicals that your brain likes, and it’s not a fan of having them taken away.” As you explore new people and new relationships, your brain chemistry alters itself according to what you think is satisfying at that moment. When you consciously relive that particular moment over and over again, your brain chemistry has already become so accustomed to it that when you try to stop, you find it very difficult to do so. Hence, certain men and women agree to the idea of having or being a side chick, as they cannot find the same, unique satisfaction in anyone else — not even in their own partner. Nevertheless, this is not an excuse for any risqué behavior. It may seem like it could be a thrill of a lifetime, but keep in mind that the side chick position is merely a secret for that man.

As someone who has had less-than-shining moments when it comes to romantic relationships, I can assure you that the side chick position will drive a woman insane sooner or later — demanding constant attention from a toxic man, playing the invisible third player in the relationship and knowing that what she’s doing doesn’t justify her values. Even if a woman deliberately signed up for the position, it is mentally exhausting. 

Women have come a long way to learn how to be independent and intelligent, and yet, most of us are still willing to accept and be satisfied with being the number two for a man who’s not even half our worth. We are more than just the number two and we should not settle for less. Those who do it for the money, read the first line of this paragraph. And men who think they’re nice but know what they’re doing is wrong: just stop it. Stop giving the same the tender, love and care to other women like you do with your mother and girlfriend or wife. If your intention is to be a player, be a player. Don’t be a liar. To be a player means to have all your women know that they’re not the only women in your life. Hiding one or several of them in hopes that your girlfriend or wife won’t find out is something that a liar would do. Know the difference. And for those who still stuck around and stayed by his side after so many red flags: you know what to do. Your friends have told you this, you have told yourself this, even Twitter has been telling you this for the longest. Leave! Recognize your needs and be aware if they are being met or not, beyond your wildest fairytale — the ring, the house and the babies. Because once you let his actions slide, he will ice skate. It’s time to dust off these scrubs.

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