UTSA has always been a school short on parking and long on walking, so the shuttle service seems essential to a campus that forces students to park so far away. I’m here to tell you that there are a couple of rules that need to be applied and abided by, in regards to the state of UTSA’s parking facilities.

First, when riding the shuttle, a big person should NEVER under any circumstance cram his or herself into another bigger person while sitting on the shuttle. This seems like a logical rule, but it is violated far to frequently. If you are a person of average size or bigger and ride the shuttle, you know what it’s like to have your face smashed against the window as your body is overtaken by a person that looks like they should be starting on the offensive line of our newly formed football team. This rule is especially important as the summer months are upon us and the amount of body odor will be increasing on a daily basis.

Second, concerning voting to raise fees for our shuttle service, please know that an extra $20 a semester will not be a deal breaker to anybody attending this school. You see, those of us riding the shuttle at peak hours tend to have to be packed into each shuttle like war refugees. This is a highly unpleasant circumstance and once again, during the warmer months, can smell worse than the hippopotamus exhibit at the zoo. In addition, if you miss the shuttle, there can be extensive waiting periods before another shuttle comes. This is due to cutbacks made by Transportation Services to offset the cost.

Also, when the shuttle is packed fully, people must stand in the aisle. If you are a person of considerable height sitting on the aisle part of the seat, please be courteous, chivalrous and self-sacrificing to those smaller people who have trouble reaching the balance-stabilizing bar. People of smaller stature and weight tend to be pin-balled around for the couple minutes that the shuttle is in motion. While highly entertaining, I think it would be best for these people to be seated in the place of a larger person, and I also think this would help cut-down on the big on big crimes committed in the seats.

Finally, I recognize that the number one person that you’re concerned with is yourself, but nobody should ever be above moving over to allow another person to sit down next to you. I know the body-to-body contact can be frightening, but rest assured the least erotic thing on the shuttle is sitting next to another person (sharing is caring). Other people should not have to stand because you don’t feel like sitting next to another person. Also, you are a major a-hole if you do this on a regular basis.

I know that most of these rules are more common courtesies, but I think that all of us could stand to make a contribution to bettering the shuttle service. Oh, and please choose to double the amount of deodorant and funk covering products as the Texas heat comes upon us. Yes, we can smell you, and no, that scent is not an aphrodisiac. 

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