A new study conducted by the Newspaper Society of America (NSA) confirms that most issues of the student run, student-provided and independently-funded newspaper the Paisano are used for impromptu craft projects, storage of glassware or fine china and as toiletry for puppies and small rodents.

The findings show that while a handful of people read the newspaper crafted by unpaid students for the university and their peers, often, a majority of the papers go unread, and get used for more pressing craft projects such as papier mâché fiesta masks or P-20 initiative chair creating competitions in the UC ballroom.

“We want young students to visit our campus and experience what it’s like to be a Roadrunner themselves,” said the P-20 initiative assistant vice president, carefully gluing and forming the satire writers face and article from the Paisano newspaper, into a flimsy chair to be sat upon. “These students should know what kind of great experiences they will have as a student at UTSA,” said the assistant, quietly stomping on top of all the freshly printed student newspaper around him.

Staff and students alike have praised the Paisano for its award-winning glassware and china protecting abilities, which have saved many bowls, mugs, plates and sensitive items for those who have had to look quickly outside their classroom or office for any available newspaper.

“I love the Paisano,” said researcher and Professor Mark Markington, who has grabbed a copy of the Paisano on multiple occasions. “The quality of the paper is excellent; the newspaper is perfect for protecting my awards and collection of Precious Moments figurines when I want to take them home.”

The study goes on to reveal that shredded news and sports articles are the most effective in keeping a clean guinea pig cage, with the arts & life sections coming in third.

Interestingly enough, the opinion section has been reported as extremely ineffective with little use, and most study participants noted that the section containing the personal thoughts and beliefs of student writers was the one they threw quickly away into the trash or recycle.

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